Monday, April 14, 2014
Daniel comes home tomorrow and I keep spontaneously bursting into tears. I love an airport reunion.
The past 13+ weeks have been such a big learning curve for me. I know that my solo-parenting experience is not particularly unique or noteworthy; it doesn't deserve congratulations or reward. But for me, it was a new and scary and overwhelming experience - I had very little time to prepare for it and it took me a while to adjust.
Daniel has spent the last three months travelling to 13 countries across four continents. He's white water rafted in the rainforest in Costa Rica, ridden horseback through the Andes in Chile, partied at Carnivale in Rio, repelled waterfalls in the Jordanian desert, snuck into an underground flamenco club in Madrid, rode a vespa through Rome, sailed in Athens and was blessed by a guru in Mumbai. Most nights he slept for five hours before getting up to do it all again (apparently the entire crew are coffee addicts).
In the first few weeks I experienced a whole gamut of emotions, including a great, big dose of resentment. I'll admit, it took me a while to work my way through that one and so I sat with it, waiting for it to dissipate. I distinctly remember the day that it did. I was home alone, planting herbs into pots when I recalled a few conversations that Daniel and I had shared a year or so ago. He told me that he wanted to travel because he never did it in his youth. He had a nagging ache to see the world and it was growing - quite quickly. We talked about specific countries and their allure but we always came back to the practicalities of such a dream - how could he do it with a young family? How could we ever afford it? It was in that moment that I realised - this trip was a blessing. He was expanding his career, fulfilling a dream and supporting his family. Resentment immediately turned to gratitude.
I've carried that gratitude close over the past few months; I've come back to it on particularly challenging days when all I wanted was for him to be home, when the children were fighting and I had to make dinner - again. How has it actually been for me? It's been really hard and, at the same time, good - really good. I've done it and as a result I've realised that I'm much more capable than I ever gave myself credit for. I've lowered my ideals, let go of lofty expectations and learned to say "no". I have a much better understanding of myself - as a woman, a partner and a parent.
Is it something I would do again? Yes, I probably would. But it's a little bit like birth - you're more scared the second time around because you know what's coming.
Tomorrow my beautiful little family will be home - together, under one roof. Regardless of how profound this experience has been for Daniel and I and regardless of how much we have changed because of it, we still share the same priority - family.
30 COMMENTS
How fantastic! Whoo!
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing opportunity for growth, adventure and learning this has been... for you both! That list of travels has got my feet itching! It made me teary thinking of your reunion, what a great day!
ReplyDeleteYou absolutely deserve a congratulations on keeping the home front running!!! Enjoy the homecoming tomorrow and remember to breathe as you all readjust! Ohhh tomorrow will be such a happy day! X
ReplyDeleteTogether is such a delicious word after you've been apart so long!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jodi for sharing here your feelings, the one we always forget to realize when it comes to us... Thanks for your honesty. I realized with your words on the first weeks of this adventure that I could never admit to feel resentment myself, but in fact I have been feeling exactly that in such an occasion of solo-parenting-due to job. Have a nice day tomorow! Sometimes come back are also frustrating, but I'm sure you will be patient enough to find your new balance at home!.
ReplyDeleteJodi, this is wonderful. Thank you for sharing with us the whole process! It's a beautiful story.
ReplyDeleteI don't have kids, partly because my boyfriend lives across the ocean - but since we see each other once a year only, due to a scarce budget, I can totally relate to your being overwhelmed with emotion!
I've so enjoyed reading your time apart, if that doesn't sound sadistic. It's been amazing watching you form and grow over the last few months, it's so inspiring and makes me look forward to being a mother and a wife. I'm so excited for your reunion, I look forward to reading about it!
ReplyDeleteYou´ve done good, all of you - that´s something you should remember. :-)
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I love how you were just so honest about this all. Thank you! Change is good, it's how we grow and become stronger. We just have to let ourselves be ok with it: )
ReplyDeleteNow go and celebrate! YOU deserve it!
So excited for you, Jodi. What a great day it will be to see him and embrace him again. I am glad for the lessons and the strength you have gained. it has been inspiring to read about. Have a great reunion!
ReplyDeleteenjoy your reunion! what a remarkable journey for you all and i can only imagine the amount of love that is going to fill your home tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteI don't know you personally Jodi, but today I'm sending my love to your family. I hope that you enjoy a really lovely family reunion!!!!
ReplyDeleteYay! Enjoy every second!
ReplyDeleteThat's wonderful Jodi, you must be thrilled to have your family all together again x
ReplyDeleteHaving been through several deployments, this post resonates deep within. I couldn't believe how much I learned about myself during those most dark and challenging of times. It sounds like you experienced the same.
ReplyDeleteHomecomings are the most wonderful days of my life and I am so very happy that you'll have yours tomorrow. Enjoy, once again, the company of your love. xo
It is all part of the rise and fall and whirlygoround that is life. Change makes your heart beat faster. Enjoy tomorrow! x
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post. I am a little teary after reading this.
ReplyDeleteHope you all have a fantastic day! Lots of love and hugs xxxx
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ReplyDeleteI just wanted to thank you for your blog posts especially your honesty and the glimpses into your part of this world. This post particularly so.
ReplyDeleteHave a happy reunion - I hope you can put your feet up while dinner is cooked for you!
Lovely words.
ReplyDeleteWishing you all the happiest of reunions! How wonderful to be together again xx
ReplyDeleteLong time reader. First time commenter.
ReplyDeleteYou are a really beautiful lady. It's so refreshing to share in the truth you tell yourself. Takes real guts to be so introspective and then share it to the world. Thanks!
Love your blog. Hope you have/had a wonderful reunion.
Aww...cant stop smiling for you from other part of the world :) xx
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for your family. I have found myself resentful of opportunities my husband was able to do but I wasn't because of small children -- what a good perspective you have shared, from your soul, which I so appreciate. I am letting all you said soak in so I too can have a better perspective. Having happiness for another's happiness is truly a gift.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful post Jodi. How wonderful that you're all back in the one place again. x
ReplyDeleteSo glad that the end of your solo parenting gig is over......it's hard that's for sure. Believe it or not there will be some adjustment to get back into your groove being away and Daniel being for all intensive purposes a single man (ie doing what he wants without having to be concerned about 3 other people). It's obviously better for him to be at home but you will have to adjust and get your new normal as a family again. You've done well. Regards Kathy A, Brisbane
ReplyDeleteoh jodi i always catch up with your week on the day of the 52 project, it's a little ritual, i get my portraits together and then head on over to read all your posts of the past week....i just squealed when i saw this weeks posts! great he's home xxx
ReplyDeleteOh family. Breathe it in. Enjoy. What riches to devour.
ReplyDeleteThis is an absolutely amazing outlook!! I love how you chose to not feel resentment, and not let the pressure stress your relationship. A lesson for us all to take home!
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